Thursday, June 30, 2005
Bass Ackwards
In other "big cities", I've noticed that people with lots of money to spend live downtown. Property Value, Entertainment, Parking.....everything seems to cost more. So why pay more? Because people actually WANT to live there. Employment, Entertainment, Culture and Commute are terribly tempting.
Cincinnatians have a far different approach. The more money one has equates to the length of one's commute in to the city. (We love to drive. See "At least we're not #1" , Thurs June 16th below.) Our low income housing projects are located right in the heart of the city or within the immediate 3 miles sorrounding it.
The Census bureau just realeased lots of interesting statistics about people running away from Cincinnati detailed in this article.
Among the nation's "big cities", Cincinnati saw the biggest population drop next to Detroit. No offense to Detroit, but the fact makes me chuckle. Watch out Motor City. We're coming for your number one spot! It seems that everyone is moving from Cincinnati to Hamilton, OH (25.71 miles away) and Cold Spring, KY (13.71 miles away).
I'm proud to be one of those population decreases from 2001-2004 contributing to these stats. I find the length of commute to parallel general well being. Boston, MA? (877.20 miles away)
Cincinnatians have a far different approach. The more money one has equates to the length of one's commute in to the city. (We love to drive. See "At least we're not #1" , Thurs June 16th below.) Our low income housing projects are located right in the heart of the city or within the immediate 3 miles sorrounding it.
The Census bureau just realeased lots of interesting statistics about people running away from Cincinnati detailed in this article.
Among the nation's "big cities", Cincinnati saw the biggest population drop next to Detroit. No offense to Detroit, but the fact makes me chuckle. Watch out Motor City. We're coming for your number one spot! It seems that everyone is moving from Cincinnati to Hamilton, OH (25.71 miles away) and Cold Spring, KY (13.71 miles away).
I'm proud to be one of those population decreases from 2001-2004 contributing to these stats. I find the length of commute to parallel general well being. Boston, MA? (877.20 miles away)
Friday, June 17, 2005
I was reading Cincinnati News online today and topping the story were locals heading off to see Nascar in RVs. The story would have amused me regardless, but check these people out: Nascar would not be complete without the cornhole set.
Learn to love the Cornhole
Cornhole fascinates me. (See picture Above)
Don't try to Google Cincinnati's biggest addiction at work...I'm sure that you can guess what unrelated sites may pop up.
When I left Cincinnati in 2001, Cornhole was making a modest appearance in backyards at family cookouts. I spent three years musing about how nothing would change in my native city. Cincinnati, you never fail to surprise me.
Cornhole has since moved to the front yard, bar fronts, bar yards, inside bars, at senior centers, at day cares, at community centers, at union halls. There is now an American Cornhole Association, conrhole leagues, cornhole championships, cornhole fundraisers, cornhole drinking games, and most recently: glow-in-the-dark cornhole sets.
What is this mystical cornhole literally lining our front yards with the glory of drinking, you may ask?
IT'S A BOX WITH A HOLE. Seriously. The goal is to throw a bean bag in the hole. Two boxes are placed a standard length apart and then teams take turns trying to send a bag of corn home.
Not just for a round or so of corn filled fun, but FOR HOURS. When I grudgingly join in out of boredom or as a sad excuse to enjoy a beer, I quickly tire of the whole effort. I've been told that this is because I don't understand the proper technique. I've seen tiffs over scoring and blood vessels nearly popping from the strain of that two minutes of preparation it takes to aim.
I've decided that this craze that I can't quite understand can only be defeated by replacing it with an craze of equal value. Some new ideas: Aiming corn at a trash can, throwing corn across the Ohio River, aiming kernels in to teammates mouths or shooting corn at teammates with pellet guns. This game would of course need an equally appropriate name, such as "manpie" or "gloryhole".
Any suggestions are kindly appreciated.
Don't try to Google Cincinnati's biggest addiction at work...I'm sure that you can guess what unrelated sites may pop up.
When I left Cincinnati in 2001, Cornhole was making a modest appearance in backyards at family cookouts. I spent three years musing about how nothing would change in my native city. Cincinnati, you never fail to surprise me.
Cornhole has since moved to the front yard, bar fronts, bar yards, inside bars, at senior centers, at day cares, at community centers, at union halls. There is now an American Cornhole Association, conrhole leagues, cornhole championships, cornhole fundraisers, cornhole drinking games, and most recently: glow-in-the-dark cornhole sets.
What is this mystical cornhole literally lining our front yards with the glory of drinking, you may ask?
IT'S A BOX WITH A HOLE. Seriously. The goal is to throw a bean bag in the hole. Two boxes are placed a standard length apart and then teams take turns trying to send a bag of corn home.
Not just for a round or so of corn filled fun, but FOR HOURS. When I grudgingly join in out of boredom or as a sad excuse to enjoy a beer, I quickly tire of the whole effort. I've been told that this is because I don't understand the proper technique. I've seen tiffs over scoring and blood vessels nearly popping from the strain of that two minutes of preparation it takes to aim.
I've decided that this craze that I can't quite understand can only be defeated by replacing it with an craze of equal value. Some new ideas: Aiming corn at a trash can, throwing corn across the Ohio River, aiming kernels in to teammates mouths or shooting corn at teammates with pellet guns. This game would of course need an equally appropriate name, such as "manpie" or "gloryhole".
Any suggestions are kindly appreciated.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
At least we're not number one (Health)
My personal goal is to expose our lifestyle with facts, as numbers and percentages are terribly interesting. I was recently comparing my native land to other places that have welcomed my type when I found some interesting facts on our general well-being:
We're unhealthy. (The third unhealthiest city in the US to be exact. Two other Ohio cities made the bottom ten. The study was based on Physical Activity, Health Status, Nutrition, Lifestyle Pursuits, and Mental Wellness.
I have a few theories regarding our poor state of health that I'd like to contribute:
1) We're lazy (as a whole) as Cincinnati are thoroughly convinced that we must drive EVERYWHERE.
Our "Metro" (public bus, fondly referred to as "The 'Tro") is our only form of "Mass Transit". No trains. No Subways. No Streetcars. No walking the grueling three blocks to Taco Bell.
We had a subway system once...Our own secret underground railroad. Construction began in 1912 and the system continues to lie in shame underneath the pavement our cars grace. Its demise was blamed on funding in the 1960s, but I find this suspicious timing coinciding with social changes. (Specifically, desegregation. Transporting "others" in to our still segregated neighborhoods must not have appeared such a good idea at the time.)
1/3 of Metro Riders have no other means of transportation. (Translated as "No Car") and 51% are earning less than the current poverty level. With the exception of the 20% who work downtown using the system, we can assume that most are using what could be an excellent system because they must.
2) We love to eat out.
Households in Cincinnati allocated the largest proportion in the entire United States of their total food budget to food away from home at 48.8%. If we were going to eat half of our meals in the most unhealthy way possible, you would think that we could afford to burn the calories it takes to walk a block or so away. This makes me want lots of money to invest in restaurants. Donations are kindly accepted.
3) We love to smoke. Ohioans top the national averages with 6 Ohio cities (including Cincinnati at 21.5%) topping the list. Everyone knows smoking is bad, but it's too tempting after eating that meal at a restaurant or when making the "long" drive home.
4) We love to drink. The Alcoholism Council of the Cincinnati Area estimates that 85,000 to 122,000 Cincinnatians are alcoholics. Holy crap! Our population was only 331,285 in the year 2000. That means that 37% of our total population is addicted to alcohol. 92,586 of that number were under 18. Blindly assuming that we can remove the minors from this study, that makes 51% of the adults remaining alcoholics.
I wonder how many of those are having a beer with their cigarette on the short car ride to the restaurant.
We're unhealthy. (The third unhealthiest city in the US to be exact. Two other Ohio cities made the bottom ten. The study was based on Physical Activity, Health Status, Nutrition, Lifestyle Pursuits, and Mental Wellness.
I have a few theories regarding our poor state of health that I'd like to contribute:
1) We're lazy (as a whole) as Cincinnati are thoroughly convinced that we must drive EVERYWHERE.
Our "Metro" (public bus, fondly referred to as "The 'Tro") is our only form of "Mass Transit". No trains. No Subways. No Streetcars. No walking the grueling three blocks to Taco Bell.
We had a subway system once...Our own secret underground railroad. Construction began in 1912 and the system continues to lie in shame underneath the pavement our cars grace. Its demise was blamed on funding in the 1960s, but I find this suspicious timing coinciding with social changes. (Specifically, desegregation. Transporting "others" in to our still segregated neighborhoods must not have appeared such a good idea at the time.)
1/3 of Metro Riders have no other means of transportation. (Translated as "No Car") and 51% are earning less than the current poverty level. With the exception of the 20% who work downtown using the system, we can assume that most are using what could be an excellent system because they must.
2) We love to eat out.
Households in Cincinnati allocated the largest proportion in the entire United States of their total food budget to food away from home at 48.8%. If we were going to eat half of our meals in the most unhealthy way possible, you would think that we could afford to burn the calories it takes to walk a block or so away. This makes me want lots of money to invest in restaurants. Donations are kindly accepted.
3) We love to smoke. Ohioans top the national averages with 6 Ohio cities (including Cincinnati at 21.5%) topping the list. Everyone knows smoking is bad, but it's too tempting after eating that meal at a restaurant or when making the "long" drive home.
4) We love to drink. The Alcoholism Council of the Cincinnati Area estimates that 85,000 to 122,000 Cincinnatians are alcoholics. Holy crap! Our population was only 331,285 in the year 2000. That means that 37% of our total population is addicted to alcohol. 92,586 of that number were under 18. Blindly assuming that we can remove the minors from this study, that makes 51% of the adults remaining alcoholics.
I wonder how many of those are having a beer with their cigarette on the short car ride to the restaurant.
The Cultural Wasteland is Open for Business
Welcome to Cincinnati Curfew! This blog is dedicated to the ridiculousness that is Cincinnati with actual news stories and first hand observations. Though I aim to offer a cultural insight in to the hilarity that is the Midwest to those who have not yet experienced it, I hope that a few of my own kind will contribute to its exposure. To those of you who only know us by our Chili, Pete Rose, Race Riots, and WKRP I offer you these further temptations to avoid us, or perhaps even the sick curiosity to visit. Welcome to Cincinnati.
